How to know you’re getting older

Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the night before, and you haven’t been anywhere lately.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You get winded playing cards.

Your children begin to look middle aged.

You join a Health Club, but never go to exercise.

A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You need glasses to find your glasses.

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

Your knees buckle but your belt won’t.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine chest.

You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there.